Sinah Warren/Lakeside - Hampshire

Fri 9th/Sat 10th Nov 2007

Some pics of the 'FunStars' from Sinah...

Now remember, sometimes...always...never and don't forget to match your socks with your shoes, OK! Who says I'm camp?

The lurvly Sinah willage people...

Ralph, harrassing Amy and Sophie...yesterday... Yes Ralph that's Amy...not Emma, don't be doing anything daft like sending her a Christmas card when you can't even remember who's who...OK!

Ralph needs a Woman

Oh Yeah.!

Who you Looking At.?

Shauns Lad.!

Ralph+Chappys New Fanny Magnet.

While My Banana gets a New front end,ive got this Rocket for 2wks, dont want mine back.!

Ralph had his teeth done.

Didn't want 2-B left out when Bryn cums back with his new Pegs,so ive had these Bastards fitted!

Donna from Selsey...

...has sent us a pic of us with her kids a few weeks back, so here it is!



Thanks for the pic, hope you're all doin OK.

Love n stuff

Housequake x

Haven - Pwllehi

Owners weekend and Staff party

How camp are these lot?

Haven. . . Again!

Haven. . . Again!
Originally uploaded by HOUSEQUAKEUK

Here's me and Chappie's bird pretending to be Village People

Chicago Rock Cafe - St Helens

Wed Oct 31st 2007

Halloween & Rich's Birthday.

Tried to get Rich trashed but he seemed to hold up quite well despite a couple of tequilas and some long island iced tea.

Speaking of which, what a fekin rip off! The guy made up a pitcher of cocktail using one fekin measure of spirits and a jug absolutley crammed full of ice...what a tosspot!

Got bak to the table and took out two pint glasses full of ice with the same amount left in the jug.

How much for this jug of ice with one cocktail in? £8.95!!!

Fekin Nazis!

Vanda i remember you! Love Ralph xx

Vanda i remember you! Love Ralph xx

Kendray MWC - Barnsley

Sunday 28th Oct 2007

Onstage with the legendary Carl Carr...


Rosh's new tats...

Haven Holiday Parks

Sat 20th - Thu 25th Oct 2007

Various pics from various Havens, the only thing that changes is the Funstars...

Rich,Ralph and Bryn

Rich,Ralph and Bryn in Waymouth Bay, waiting for Chappy 2 stop Wanking.!

Ralph

Primrose Valley Holiday Park - Filey

Sat 13th Oct

Usual kind of Haven holiday camp type gig except we in a diferent room tonite!

If ever there was an advertisement not to drugs, here it is!

Thorpe Park - Cleethorpes

Fri 12th Oct

Usual kind of Haven holiday camp affair, not much to report except that there was a darts tournament on...that's it!

Chappie just about to go on his Gay Pride March...

Cala Gran - Blackpool

Sat 6th

These Holiday camps are all much of a muchness...long drive, late on, couple of funstars helping out in Village People, long drive home etc...etc...etc...

My box lid before Villager People...yesterday!

Presthaven Sands Holiday Park - Wales

Fri 5th

These Holiday camps are all much of a muchness...long drive, late on, couple of funstars helping out in Village People, long drive home etc...etc...etc...

Funstars before Village People...yesterday!

Caister Holiday Park - Great Yarmouth

Sat 29th Sep 2007

Timmmaaayyy the little homo cowboy...



And pictured here with his girlfriend.

Hopton Holiday Village - Great Yarmouth

Friday 28th Sep 2007

Must have been drinking too much...

Erm...Chappie, Rich come and have a look at Tim & Ralph a minute...

...Oh, er hang on...

Well if you can't outdrink 'em, join em!

Frontier Club - Batley

Sat 15th Sep 2007

Wot a swearing tw@t that new DJ from Galaxy FM is! Every other word was either fuk or fukin until they went live then he nice as! Anyway, fuk im!

Still as mad as eva in that this place is completely empty and then fills up in the blink of an eye.

Good crowd, Shipton Builders leaving their post it's on evry1 and a good atmosphere.

Is it a guvvie? The Shipton Builders looking for tarmac driveway jobs in Frontier...last night!

Goose Geen Labour Club - Wigan

Fri 14th Sep 2007

Usual kinda banging night, nice n full with evry1 in a good mood...except them that wanted a fag and had to go stand outside, Wifflin b@stads!

Frankie the Saint present and correct in a nice pink shirt, but arrived too late to go on before us on account he really didn't want to come but couldn't get out of it.

'That's not how you check me prostate Dean!' Ralf & Deano propping up the bar at Wigan...last night!

'Hi there...'O god it's him again. SoulGlo, larger than life & twice as oily. At Wigan...last night!

'Good dancing but wot you doin wiv me fekin sleeves?' Two of the GG Wigan stompers...last night!

Chicago Rock Cafe - Norwich

Wed Sep 12th 2007

Eng 3: Rus 0

Not a sausage, this place was as empty as an empty box on a day after it had just been emptied.

Only football supporters out so it was decided we would only do a half hour set.

By the time we had got changed the place was heaving and it turned out to be a really good night.

England won too so that was a bonus!

From Norwich...it's the quiz of the week! Or summat like that!

What do you think to the pedestrianisation of Norwich City Centre?

Blue Dolphin Holiday Park - Filey

Sat 8th Sep 2007

Today I played the part of road krew and travelled with Ralph and Chappie and Chappies bird who I should refrain from calling 'Chappies bird' but it's just a habit now.

So we all set off early I set up the black curtains on the HQ boards.

My effort at putting up the curtains behind the HQ boards...it made the show sooo much betterer.

Ralph wants you all to know he's had his teef done by the same Hungarian girl wot did Frankie the Saints. He'd like to know wot you all think!

'Is it a guvvie?' Ralf and his new teef...yesterday.

Maltby Progressive WMC - Rotherham

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Thorpe Park Holiday Camp - Cleethorpes

Sat 1st Sep 2007

Usual kind of Haven gig.

Thanks to Funstars for helping out...again!

Liane and Ollie. Young Man, at our age? At your age? At our age...oohh young man!

Havana Lounge - Wakefield

Fri 31st Aug 2007

Parking up at Rooftops Gardens Car Park and walking across to this venue was like being abroad.

The whole of Wakefield Centre is like Ibiza, just a mass of people in very little clothing stood outside clubs drinking and that.

This place has been done out nice and there are five lounges in here.

No stage as such but everyone willing to dance so I was happy.

Havana Lounge...dark innit? Ralph wanted me to get this pic coz all of the monitors were showing our web logo...you can't tell tho!

Presthaven Sands Holiday Village - Prestatyn

Sat Aug 25th 2007

...and from Blackpool to Prestatyn!

Two hours later and we're doing another gig.

As always these Haven camps have an ents crew willing to help us in Village People...

Mel and Wilma... But I thought the Village People were all blurks?

This room was as hot a hell, Chappie nearly passed out backstage but that's because Jo has been down and he's been Viagra-ing her all over the place and neglecting to eat.

Hey these young kids these days, fancy spending all day in bed when the sun's out, they should go for a nice walk or summat?

Chubby Brown - Blackpool Opera House

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Country Park - Hessle, Hull

Fri Aug 24th 2007

On Wednesday, I ordered some jars of pickled chillies from the Chille Foundry and was expecting them to turn up today...they didn't!!!

Bunch o' Nazi Fascist B@stads!

Anyways...

Great gig again! We had hired some much needed lights for tonite and it made a helluva difference.

Loadsa smoke, loadsa lasers, loadsa light but it wasn't that the made the night great, it was our regular Hull crowd...absolutely 100% into it and ready for a laff!

SoulGlow showed off his new (3rd) Indian headdress but we were let down by not having anyone to wear the Dafydd Thomas (I'm the only gay in the Village) outfit for Village People...theres a joke in there but I'm not sure everyone gets it?

wtf...stonking night, always great to play in our hometown innit!

They even put up with Critch!

'Ey, I fukin love you lot, you're fukin brilliant that's what you are...you're fukin ace!' That is until Critch digs out a shirt from backstage and tries to be one of the band.

We love him and that but he doesn't do us any favours getting up on stage and wailing down a mike!

(Don't tell him we said that!)

As an added bonus, I was sent this night a picture of the Chapster, drawn by no less than his bird!

I can't print the message that came with it simply because I don't wish to offend the skinny fat arctic white crabstick flavoured narrow shouldered pot bellied pigeon chested ginger b@stad, but I'll gladly post the pic.

It has been carefully drawed and as such depicts all the nuances that Chapsters bird likes about him (except the towel balancing trick) so, withour further ado, here it is...

Hmmm...that's how Chappies bird sees him that is! I shall let the sound of your laughter tell it's own story.

Big Thanks go out to the DJ for being our sailor tonite - very camp - and the guys who supplied the light show...nice one! You made us look good which is summat Stephen Spielberg can't do.

We do appreciate it and just to show our gratitude - sometime, maybe, maybe not, Ralph will buy you all a drink...when his dole cheque comes through!

Not forgetting a Hooooooj thanks to everyone who came and had a laff...you make the nite wot it is!

So THANKS!!!

Housequake

Chicago Rock Cafe - Redditch

Thu Aug 23rd 2007

It seemed like it took us a very long time to get here...is that all I seem to moan about these days??? But we did hit a standstill on the M1 and made a horrendous fekin detour, Dave's trilogy of terror DVD with naughty undertones did take the sting out a bit.

Anyways, we made it - Hooray!

Sat outside with all the smokers again - huroo!

Chapsters girlfried (I'll refrain from calling Jo 'his bird' as they seem quite serious) staying over so it was nice to see her.

Bit of a dismal gig; a fair few in but they didn't really seem interested and those that did were only trying to outdo us by prancing about right in front of the stage?

What's that all about???

I managed to really piss off some hacked off looking woman by asking her friend 'what's wrong with her?'

Her friend replied 'Don't ask!'

I said 'I think you'll find I already did!'

To this the hacked off looking woman (let's call her Beryl...she looked like a Beryl) waved a hand at me...well...

This hand looked like pornographically filthy.

So I continued the one way conversation by asking 'What the fuks that on your hands?'

Result = One even more hacked off looking Beryl!

Especially when I voiced my opinion, over the mike, to everyone, that I felt it looked like she had been 'digging graves with her bare hands'

Funnily enuff, she didn't dance!

Pik of Joe

For sum reason, during all the Mayhem at Skellow WMC, i took a Pik of Chris's(70) mate Oddjob/Joe(49)

Hafen Y Mor - Pwllheli, Gwynedd

sAT 18TH aUG 2007

Another Haven.

Fekin miles away and not helped by the fact that it was pissing down all the way there and back!

Only saving grace was Rich's excellent twisting of a coat hanger to create a bracket for his new tablet DVD player.

Hot Fuzz...innit? Riches excellent handiwork. I reckon he should go down Whitefriargate and bend coat hangers into peoples names and animal shapes an that - he'd make a packet!

We watched Hot Fuzz (again...) and that new film with your man from Hannibal Lecter where he shoots his missus in the moy after finding out she's banging a cop, represents himself in court, shows that the arresting officer was banging his missus, manages to plant the gun that he used on the same guy, turns his missus life support off and nearly...very nearly gets off with it.

If it wasn't for a final monlogue and that pesky meddling young lawyer!!!

TED...WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST KEEP YER TRAP SHUT???

Gig was OK, staff are always friendly and helped out with our new (3rd) brand new Indian Headdress for Village People.

'Young Man, theres no need to feel down. I said young man...etc...etc...etc' Our 3rd Indian Headdress in 8 months.

'Tell you who are a good act...Smokey! Oh yeah, we 'ad a rite gud laff about it!' Me and Ralph sat in the van...yesterday!

Skellow Grange WMC - Skellow, Doncaster

Fri 17th Aug 2007

Chris (52) and Oddbottle, OddJob or Odd bastad whatever you wanna call him away with us for this one.

His real name his Joe (26) and he's a good mate of Chris's; I don't have a pic of him...which is a shame coz he's got forearms that look like he could twist some fekkers head off!

He's a real nice bloke and it was nice to meet him...well, I'm not gonna say anything bad am I? The geezer knows where I live!

Chris (57) was a bit reticent to get up with us but after a few lines of class A he was good to go.

Check the Youtube footage here.

'How long does this stuff last anayway?' Norfolk (59), putting summat up his nostrils while everything Joolz (63) put up his just falls out...every fekin where! allegedley!***

Joolz (60) was O.O.H.T - Out Of His Tree - for this one as it has been a while since he could be bothered to come away with us.

He spent most of the night falling over people, looking for his sandals, dropping white dust out of nose and ringing up nobody asking 'them' to tell him they loved him???

'Aw go on...I love you...why won't you tell me that you love me?' Joolz, get back on the ceiling...ya pissed up drugged up Lionel Richie faced fekker!

A good night in my opinion, Chris (nearly 60) spent most of the 2nd set being pushed off stage and telling Sam off High Chapparals roof (now 93) to give him his shoes back.

When we told Sam (80 summat) he looked like Sam (29), he reckoned he looked more like Manuel (103) from Fawlty Towers...hey! he wasn't wrong!

*** DISCLAIMER.

HOUSEQUAKE WOULD LIKE TO MAKE IT CLEAR TO ANY SMALL CHILDREN THAT MIGHT BE WATCHING, THAT THEY DO NOT CONDONE DRUG TAKING AT ALL AND FURTHERMORE, ON THE ADVICE OF THEIR SOLICITORS (Shotgun, Bastard & Dribble) WOULD LIKE TO STRESS THAT THE ABOVE IMAGE OF CHRIS ALLEGEDLEY SNIFFING AN ILLEGAL SUBSTANCE, IS COMPLETELY 100% STAGED AND, IS NOT MEANT TO INFER TO VIEWERS THAT THE TAKING OF ILLEGAL SUBSTANCES IS BIG, CLEVER OR SOMETHING TO IMPRESS OTHER PEOPLE WITH AND FINALLY, THAT NO ICING SUGAR WAS HARMED DURING THE PRODUCTION OF THE ABOVE PHOTO.

Housequake